Here I lay
in the middle of the night
My eyes wide
open though there is no sight
My mind
keeps racing while the world is dark
Darting around
as though running from sharks
My thoughts
often feel as though they’re not mine
Dancing up
to and over some line
That I dare
not cross or focus on well
Or I’ll end
up dreaming in my own little hell
The past is
always there, waiting in the wings
Stalking me,
scary but so mesmerizing
I want to
run, but I’m frozen in fear
Knowing the
past is nowhere near
Yet feeling
as though it’s so close by
Floating in the darkness, I just want to
cry
The life
that I’ve entered has become such a trap
There is no
escape, and I feel like I’ll snap
I’ve left the
frying pan, jumped into the fire
And now I
walk daily on such a tight wire
Afraid of
falling from a dizzying height
And yet ready
to jump, to end this fight
Over a
bridge, in the car, from so high
Down to the
cement, to crush out this lie
I pretend to
be happy, calm and carefree
But there’s
such a deep darkness behind the forced glee
The choices
and options, decisions I’ve made
This game of
life, as it’s meant to be played…
The final
square to finish seems so far away
As I crawl
painfully through every single day
I want to
pick up the wheel and give it a fling
Just toss
the board, and quit everything
Yank off the
mask and torch the costume
Give in to
the chaos, jump into the monsoon
As my mind
goes spinning, so out of control
With so many
thoughts that it might explode
